New Year, Same God

The beginning of  a New Year often provokes reflection, introspection, and hope.... Reflection on the successes and failures of the past, introspection on how they've all shaped who we are, and hope towards what lies ahead.

This year, I have decided to jump full force into my faith, no matter the consequences. Over the course of the past few months, I have felt a restlessness inside of me. A feeling of angst almost that is so hard to describe. It probably started upon my return from Guatemala. After experiencing a week of focusing completely on the needs of others, and reaching out in love to an entire population, I felt the closest I've ever felt to my Creator. God was there, He was tangible, He was walking step by step with me. It was the most amazing, indescribeable feeling.

I prayed and prayed that the relationship I had with Him would sustain itself upon my return home. But, it did not. I thought my faith was strong enough. I thought my commitment to Him was strong enough. But it wasn't. It seemed as though the stresses of every day life as a mom and a wife really took away from my number role, which is the daughter of a King.

I was left feeling guilty, discontent, maybe even a little angry....

But God's the same everywhere - the only thing that changed was me.

How did I let that happen? Why was it so hard for me to keep God first and foremost in my life? Why do I constantly let the stresses of life distract me from who God created me to be? And how can I ever get that feeling back - that closeness to Him back?

Of course, reading my Bible and praying are huge steps. But there's more. I have realized over the past few months through reflection that God requires me to step out of my comfort zone and live for HIM, and Him alone. I've been so worried about offending people, or coming across as a weird "Bible thumper" that I've stifled God around my immediate circle of friends and family. I've held back on so many of my thoughts and feelings in fear that I would be judged.

But, its a New Year, and an opportunity for new beginnings. We are on this planet for only a blink of an eye. Am I really going to spend it worried about what people think of me, or more worried about what GOD thinks of me? Am I going to work hard to please others, or work hard to please my Maker?

This is surely a lofty goal, and will require a lot of self discipline and courage to get back up even when I fail (which I know I will most certainly do at times).

But, on this New year, with my same God, I seek to put Him first in ALL things - not just in my church,  not just in my Bible studies, not just behind closed doors, - but everywhere.

Psalm 27:8 My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "LORD, I am coming."