Ever since I signed up for the Guatemala trip, I've been so excited. I don't remember feeling any doubts, or worries - just pure joy. That is until a few weeks ago when reality began to sink in....
For those of you who know me well, you know that I would never be described as the outdoorsy type, or the adventurous type. I rarely travel. I get nervous just having to go on a plane and go through all of the airport security steps. I've been out of the country only to Mexico and that was for resort vacations. I've never been camping - something I always say I want to do - but in reality, I know deep down I'd probably hate it. I'm not a fan of bugs. I'm not a fan of dirt. I'm not a fan of public restrooms, let along public showers. You get the idea.
Yet for some reason, none of these things ever crossed my mind when I initially said yes to Guatemala. Either I was in denial, or pretty naïve.
And then we got the low-down. We had our first team building meeting for Guatemala where our Outreach Coordinator went over some of the conditions regarding the food and board. There's a possibility of having to hike with all of our luggage for miles to find our next destination. It will be during their rainy season so we are likely to get very wet. Depending on the travel length, we might have to sleep outside for one night with no shelter. As for food, its common for the people we are helping to kill, cook, and serve a chicken right there in front of us. There's many diseases that we might be susceptible to, so we need to get an entire series of shots and medication. The list goes on and on.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not mentioning these things in order to boast and say "look at everything I'm willing to endure" - oh no, not at all. On the contrary, I tell you these things because my gut reaction was to leave that meeting and withdraw my name from the team!! No joke!!
I began coming up with all of the reasons why I shouldn't go. My kids are still so little, it's too long to be away. I don't want to burden my sister and mother in law with their care. I get sick so easily, what if I just slow the team down. I could die (yes that actually went through my head) and how would my family ever forgive me for literally risking my life?? Perhaps I'm not really being called to international missions. I can just wait to go on a trip in the US - it would still be doing God's work, right? ETC, ETC, ETC....
My list of excuses comes so easily. They seem so legit. And to be perfectly honest with you, they are still playing in my head. I feel so unqualified, so incapable, so NOT the right kind of person for this.
And so.... I've prayed. And I want to ask all of you to please pray....Because without a doubt if I'm going to get on a plane to Guatemala this summer, it won't be because of myself - I'm kind of a big fat coward. It will be because of God's grace and power. To Him be ALL the glory!!
Thanks again for following along with me on this journey.....your prayers are so appreciated!!!
xoxo
